Un-Grateful Enough

for blogThe one-week ‘Self-Challenge’ of daily jotting down three things that I felt grateful for ended a week back. And while I’m tempted to resort to rationalize this delay in blog-posting with the help of an (long-enough) excuse-list, I guess it’ll be easier to stick with truth. 🙂 😦

Which is that even though the intention behind this challenge was to focus on ‘good’ in life, to recall the positives especially during  un-positive times, the course of exercise and eventual results revealed a not-so-grateful side of me! I didn’t match up to an (self created) Ideal, a gracious, giving sort of an image conceived with all the reading on practicing gratitude.

I fell short (rather steeply) of my own expectations. And what literally drove the point home was the fact that whatever I had written was exactly what I felt, without filters, any second-thoughts, damage control or even re-phrasing grammar!

Raw and Fresh.

Rather than sharing the embarrassing list, let me share an overview. Home-cooked food bagged the first spot, followed by meal-time conversations, weekends, nature, books and I went on being thankful for both good and trying times (generic, philosophical b******t).

On the fourth day, I cheated and read everything I’d been writing for three days and decided to make amends…trying to incorporate more of being thankful to people pitching in to make my life run smoothly and doing everything to make it easy. (seemed easy?)

But during its implementation, barring the first, I ended up listing gratitude towards people for keeping an arms distance and not participating actively in my life, adverse things that could have happened! (Like thank you God for all teeth intact after a trip-n-fall during the day. )

And suddenly shifted tracks to myself (yep..! narcissism at its best), my routine, a pat-on-back for changing habits and others on the same lines.

Honestly, I’ve been putting off penning this blog because when I first looked at the list, my lips twisted of their own accord, ungrateful , un-appreciative girl! 

I  thought i’ll cheat again and continue the challenge for another week (with more mindful-gratitude) and then paint a rosy picture on my blog. But my semi-suppressed conscience pricked everyday.. and as a way of deluding myself, every evening I’d promptly write it down in the next day’s to-do list until today…

So, what is my take-away from this exercise?

To give thought before taking a pen to paper.

NOT write the first thing that comes to mind and be deliberate, mindful.

To not-go panoramic, instead look for the little things that brought a hint of positiveness in the day.

To incorporate people more than Self, God and Godly creations in the equation of Gratitude.

God Bless Me, as I attempt this exercise once again.

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