I have had experiences in the past where I have felt a compelling pull to something I like to call ‘Force’. It has come to me in form of dreams and in conscious moments where I have drifted far and beyond to where time has no meaning, where there is no sound and nobody exists except me and that Energy; It has connected with my soul and fine tuned it till it matches its trance like rhythm.
These experiences have been special, unexplainable and everlasting.
I don’t think I have been an atheist but I confess that I haven’t been a very religious person either. Though I hail from a Brahmin family, over generations and with changing times our religious lessons have been more diluted and practical, which is why I have been brought up with a very unbiased and neutral approach to God and his forms. We’ve been to Temples, Churches, Mosques and Monasteries alike and we have been free to choose our faith in any form of Almighty.
Perhaps this is the reason why my interactions with the ‘Force’ have been varied and the last time I felt something similar was early this week.
My Dad in law reads the newspaper while we eat breakfast and he mentioned Lord Sri Venkateswara was visiting New Delhi for a week. I’ve been staying in Delhi for almost 25 years and I do not recall a similar visit before (to my knowledge).He is an ardent follower of Balaji and so we all decided to go together as a family for the evening aarti that day.
I was neck-deep in work, faced a major road traffic jam and then metro delay. We barely made it to the venue by 8:07pm when the program was to go on for another 20 minutes. The curtains were drawn and we were waiting to catch a glimpse of him. It was during that wait, I remembered something.
Long back, I had confided in my then-friend-now-husband that I wished we go to Tirumala Tirupati Devasthanam Sri Venkateswara ji and seek Lords blessings for our life ahead. (At that time I did not think before taking his name, it just came out of on its own) We got married, we got busy and’ life happened’. The thought got buried somewhere in the folds of time and the pace of Delhi just engulfed itIt’s been more than 8 months from the wedding and Lord Balaji decided
to come visit us!! Wao!!
And just then he made an appearance, all the devotees raised their hands in the spirit of complete surrender and chanted; G-O-V-I-N-D-A.
The pundits were putting Lord to sleep on a swing and the big screens captured his enthralling mischievous smile, holding the secrets of world.
For the first time I could not get myself to close my eyes. I just kept looking. Every other sensation left me, I saw nothing else, I could hear nothing. It was just him and me. The program got over but it wasn’t the end for me. The next day we went there again, I looked up at him, feeling overwhelmed, loved and with so much gratitude. I wanted to thank him for having me here but in reality I just stood speechless. A story narration was going on next to the Idol, where God said, “bhakti meri shakti hai.. mere chahne se hi sab hota hai,sab
iss vaibhavotsavum mei hissa nai le paaye hain..siwaaye unke jinko main darshan dena chahta hu..” a tear rolled down my eye. . And I bowed my head.